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Part I

 I awoke curled up on the floor to the smells of feces and urine in a cold chamber. All around me are the screams and cries of children and adults. Why am I naked? I can’t even cry. Yesterday, I was giving a speech about hate crimes, I had people cheering me on! I know it! I was at the top of the world. Was it a dream? No, I won’t accept it! I only think of who I am… or was. I try to stand only to fall back against the cold wall, my wrists are chained to the floor. My hands… they aren’t even mine! I can’t even recognize my hands! I’m screaming internally, the scream tearing through my insides. What is going on?! My body is weak. It’s almost as though I am a block of ice, literally. I’m cold, and I have no emotion. I begin to hear songs in my head — soothing melodies, it’s like a mechanism to calm me down. How am I coming up with these melodies? This can’t be real! Where am I?! At that moment, while I was wallowing in self-pity, I hear a door open. Something sparked inside of me, I knew I didn’t want him to come, I knew I would rather sit in this port-o-potty dungeon! I can’t even figure out who I am or what I’ve done wrong. The footsteps and keys are echoing down the hall. Closer and closer. With each step, my heart is beating faster and faster, my body begins to quiver with fear. Lightening struck through my body and the tears won’t stop. 

The footsteps were coming closer, and the keys were now in front of my cell. The light shining through the little glass window on the blue metallic door for them to peer through was now blocked by a silhouette. The tears began streaming down my face like a broken faucet. I can hear the keys being shuffled through for the one to my door, and slowly the door knob began to turn… Please, let this be a nightmare! Wake up! Wake up! And there he was. I knew him, but at the same time, I didn’t know. Perhaps it was amnesia? As he got closer to me, I started to remember, but it was not an intellectual memory, no. My emotions remembered. All the pain and darkness began to creep up my spine. I couldn’t move, I was frozen. Then, I knew the way my mind and body were reacting was only protocol as this man got closer. He stood over me, and smiled. Fuck you! Don’t smile at me! His cold eyes staring through my soul, ripping it apart into nothingness. Finally, he unlocked the chains around my wrists. I was still the frozen block of ice I was when I first saw him enter. The only thing functioning, were the tears flowing like a steady stream down my face. As he reached down to pick me up and toss me over his shoulder like some rag doll only a daycare center would have, I remember: yesterday, I was the sensation known around the world for my talent!  I was loved, I was the one who called the shots! Why is this happening?! 

Thanks, Darby. How would I ever know about these youtube stars??

Wanna whisper in your ear… a little question

Let’s pretend you’re studying diligently in the library and amongst the silence was a person furiously scribbling notes, would you be disrupted? Would you hold it against me????

You know you love me.

Muahahaha. Justin.

The Britney Conspiracy

I know Jonas Akerlund (who directed this video) is one of the industry’s leading Satanists, look at Gaga’s Paparazzi/Telephone videos (in behind the scenes of Paparazzi, he is wearing the sigil of the Church of Satan in San Francisco, which also happens to be the “Hotel California” in the song by the Eagles) but he didn’t have to make it so obvious that he worships Baphomet. Look at this picture from Britney Spears’ newest (awesome but sadly, there are Satanic undertones) video, Hold it Against Me.

In case you didn’t know, Baphomet is:

"The Devil does not exist. It is a false name invented by the Black Brothers to imply a Unity in their ignorant muddle of dispersions. A devil who had unity would be a God… ‘The Devil’ is, historically, the God of any people that one personally dislikes… This serpent, SATAN, is not the enemy of Man, but He who made Gods of our race, knowing Good and Evil; He bade ‘Know Thyself!’ and taught Initiation. He is ‘The Devil’ of the Book of Thoth, and His emblem is BAPHOMET, the Androgyne who is the hieroglyph of arcane perfection… He is therefore Life, and Love. But moreover his letter is ayin, the Eye, so that he is Light; and his Zodiacal image is Capricornus, that leaping goat whose attribute is Liberty.”

- Aleister Crowley (History’s greatest Satanist, the father, if you will)

I love the video, but… Subliminal indoctrination, anyone???

You know you love me.

Thank you, Universe!

After a TERRIBLE do it yourself bleaching/dye over the past two weeks, I freaked out when my hair turned mustard! Mango colored! Not quite banana yellow (the pigments hadn’t all come out), so I figured toning it with a blue/violet wouldn’t work. I tried dying over it (since color over color gets darker) with a very pale blonde dye with a blue base to neutralize the brassiness. Yeah, still didn’t work! My hair was actually straight MARIGOLD afterwards! In my last attempt, (my hair now pretty damaged and I figured if this didn’t work, I would shave off all my hair myself, Britney style) I reused a toner I had already tried on the mustard (not marigold), only this time, I left in 30 minutes over the alloted time on the directions.

YES! My hair is natural colored blonde! Wheat blonde, baby, eat that, black hair! Life is better as a blonde. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!

Thank you, Universe.


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